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Because I lost myself there.

I was inspired by a writer friend who also experienced depression.

It’s not easy that for more than 2 years you have him in your life.

Yes. I had boyfriend. My 4th one. I really thought he was the one. We really started as officemates, close friends then lovers. We have this “complicated” relationship since he always tells me that he still loves his ex gf for 6 yrs, at first I was really hesitant to have the unconventional relationship. Which few of my close friends knew and my older sister.

We  always rely on each other and do things as normal boyfriend / girlfriend do. Constant communication, buying things for each other, taking care of each other’s stuff.

I really envy other couples whenever we eat at any restaurant. I always notice how the “boyfriend” adores his partner by taking care of her. Since we are in a very uncoventional relationship he is not sweet (or I just thought he is NOT?). Those simple things hurt me, even though I always shrug it off. But in the back of my mind, I always wish he can also do that to me too.

My only set back on it is our compatibility and our passion for music. I always remind myself everything will be okay, that as long as we are always together , it will be fine.  That someday he will also give the 100% love that I’ve been giving him. He even surprised  me last April , on my 32nd birthday by going to our house. I was very happy because I really did not expected it.

As I transfered to another site from our office, I really had that bad feeling. We started to grow apart, we always fight because of our schedule , we can’t go out for dates and that frustrates us both. Other reasons too, we had petty fights mostly, but  the huge fight we had is about my dream. That I really wanted to be serious with our relationship. Since we are like husband and wife, sharing finances, we are like dreaming what kind of house we like to build and getting a car.

Sadly, we ended it. He ended it. I was really devastated. I started questioning myself. Why? Did I ask more? Did he ever love me or even care?Maybe. Maybe not. Sometimes I don’t know anymore. It hurts me most because I miss him as my bestfriend too. I always confide to him every time I have problems with my family and friends.

I even got very sick because I work as  part time online writer/editor. To keep our finances up to date and also in a way of forgetting him.

I got depressed. There was a time I can’t cry anymore because my eyes are so sore.

I don’t go out, I hide from my friends. No one knows what I’ve been going through.

When I was sick I just get stuck at my room, read books and watched movies or tv series.

“Don’t lose yourself, everyone come and go. But always remember you can only rely on yourself. Believe on yourself. Love yourself” Those lines from a certain movie hit me hard.

It reminded me to stand up and pick up everything. I went back to work and still trying to be brave. I need to. I wanted to do it for myself.

I don’t force myself to move on, because it’s not that easy. What I’ve been doing now is improving myself.

I still cry, okay I still cry a lot. I miss him a lot. But I realize that I should value myself first before anyone else.

Because I lost myself there when I’m loving him. 

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Agosto bente kwarto

Nagdaan ang mga araw, tila hindi napapanaw

Ang sakit, ang hapdi

Nang dulot ng mga salita pilit na pinipigilan. 
Ngunit nangyari na,

Nasabi na. 

Paano mababawi? 
Lumipas, naghintay… 

Nagsabi ka, nakinig ako… 

Parang walang nadugisan. 
Dahil dun, namulat ka. 

Ngumiti ako. 

Masaya ka, Masaya ako. 
Ang importante, Masaya tayo. 

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Book Review: The Governor’s Wife by Mandie Lee

Book Review :

The Governor’s Wife by Mandie Lee

The plot seems so interesting, sa una talaga medyo alanganin ako. Politics, like Ate Mandie perspective she hates it and I do as well. I even despise it. 

Pero wala naman siguro masama if maging plot yun at gamitin sa isang novel. Napaka raw ng approach at napaka realistic lang. May mga ibang readers  hindi feel dahil sa mga ibang sitwasyon, Pero eto lang ang masasabi ko hindi pa sila mulat sa katotohanan. Marami incidents sa Pilipinas na tulad ng kay Jaidon o baka mas worst pa. Maybe they are blinded that those things happen in this society or maybe they are just afraid with reality. 

I’ve known Ate Mandie noon pa at masasabi ko isa eto sa pinaka masterpiece niya. She knows how to tackle politics, mix it with family affairs and everything else. Walang sobra, walang kulang , walang patapon na parte ng nobela. Pinag isipan maigi at hindi basta basta yun mga eksena. Kala mo nga pelikula eh. 

This novel is one of a kind and may I say one of the best Tagalog books I ever read. You will never put it down once you started reading it. Trust me. 

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Book Review Inggo, The Ruggedly Handsome Intruder by Vanessa

Always the best ang gawa ni Miss Vanessa. Kakatuwa talaga ang plot ni Miss Van sa story na eto. Minsan nakaka amaze ang mga lalake na tulad ni Inggopero huwag kayong magtaka kasi may mga lalaki na tulad niya. Magtiyaga at hindi namimili ng babae.

Aliw na aliw talaga sa tawagan na sinta. Napaka makata at romantic ang dating.

Totoo na may mga lalake na nalula sa mga achievements ng kanilang kasintahan o asawa, para kasi sa kanila minsan naaapakan ang kanilang ego o napapahiya sila dahil mas higit sa kanila ang Β babaeng mahal nila.

Kapag ganun naman dapat give and take, mag usap at iparamdam sa bawat isa ang pagmamahal.

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Book Review Mr Hotshot (BP series 5) by Maricar Dizon

I can relate with Jesilyn’s condition. minsan hindi maging masama kung gumawa tayo ng bucketlist at gumawa ng mga bagay-bagay na inaasam bago mamatay.

Minsan naiisip ko, Am I afraid of dying? Yes, dahil hindi ko pa nagagawa yun mga bagay na gusto ko. I want to see my parents happy and fulfilled.

I want to spend my life loving my future husband. Hindi biro ang magksakit sa puso lalo na kapag hindi mo pa sine-share masyado ang findings sa mga magulang mo, dahil syempre ayaw mo sila mag alala. I love how the scenes are executed kahit na medyo nabagalan ako sa simula.

 

 

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Book Review: Mutual Pleasure by Mandie Lee

​Book Review: Mutual Pleasure πŸ“šπŸ“–

Author: Mandie Lee
Paano ba magmahal? Gaano mo nasusukat ang pagmamahal ng isang tao? 
Maraming katanungan sa isip natin tungkol diyan. Para sa akin maraming paraan naman para mahalin ang isang tao, hindi naman porket hindi ka sinabihan ng “I love you” hindi ka na niya mahal, porket ba kumportable lang kayo sa pag se sex hindi ka niya mahal. Somehow naman siguro mapapamahal siya sa iyo. I know, masyado shallow na ganyan pananaw, pero para sa akin nasa tao pa din yan at sa mga taong involve. Yes, this book is not the normal usual love story. It evolves with two people who loves sex and they are not sure what kind of set up they have. As along as they comfortable with each other and they are giving in with their lust with each other..
Ganun sila magmahal, eventually na realize nila yun sa huli. 
Natimbang maigi ni Alden, kung gaano nya ka mahal si Priss like she’s air that he breathes. Marami man sila hindi nagpapa kasunduan sa mga simpleng bagay hindi ibig sabihin nababawasan na yun care and affection mo sa isang tao. Trust me. I’ve been there at patuloy ko naman nato tolerate na sa inyo nyo lang kung paano nyo ma co control. 
Iyon nagsimula kayong maging magkaibigan, magandang pundasyon iyon ng pagmamahalan. Maganda ipakita sa maliliit na bagay ang pagmamahal, iyon ang ibinigay ng librong eto. 
Hindi kailangan magarbo ang dapat ipakita mo sa taong mahal mo, hindi naman dun sukatan ang tunay na pag iibigan eh, nasa sa inyo yun kung paano nyo ipaparamdam iyon. Alalahanin mo lang iyon simpleng bagay na gusto nya at ayaw nya sapat na iyon dahil pina pahalagahan mo iyon. 
Salamat Ate, pinaramdam mo sa amin iyon ganun klaseng pagmamahalan sa librong eto!
P.S. yun ibang ” positions”  dito baka magandang gawin in the future! I pm kita kapag nagawa na namin! Hahahaha!

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Movie Review: Die Beautiful

β€‹πŸŽ¬πŸ“½Movie Review: Die Beautiful 

Director: Jun Robles Lana 

Starring :

Paolo Ballesteros as Tricia/ Patrick Echevaria 

Joel Torre as Mr. Echevaria 

Gladys Reyes as Beth

Luis Alandy as Jesse

Albie CasiΓ±o as Migs 

Christian Bables as Barbs

Faye Alhambra and Inah De Belen as Shirley Mae

IC Mendoza as Paola

πŸŽ₯ Review: 

Inaamin ko, wala ako masyado alam sa teknikal na aspeto ng isang pelikula pero marunong ako kumilatis nang isang obra. 

Hindi rin ako mahilig talaga manuod ng Tagalog movies sa sinehan, kasi wala na talaga time sa ganyan at madalas kapag rest day ko sa opisina gusto ko nasa bahay lang ako  natutulog o nagbabasa lang ng mga libro ko. Nagpabago sa akin ang line up ng Metro Manila Film Festival 2016. 

Last July 2016, napapansin ko na panay post na ni Paolo ng mga make up transformations niya at talagang naaliw ako. Pero ramdam ko may ginagawa na syang sorpresa. 

Tuwang tuwa ako at magaganda talaga ang ipapalabas sa sinehan! Finally, quality movies! Time to enrich our minds and spirit. 

Inuna ko talaga ang Die Beautiful kasi sobrang abang talaga ako sa movie. 

Napakahusay talaga ni Paolo sa pagganap bilang si Tricia, hindi niya pinakita na gusto niya sumuko sa buhay kahit napakadami na nyang pinagdaanan. Naging mapagmahal na “ina” , bestfriend at “girlfriend” sya. 

Hindi lang sya pinalad sa pagmamahal ng isang ama pero napatunayan nya pwede nya ipadama sa ibang tao ang pagmamahal na kaya nyang ibigay. πŸ˜˜πŸ˜‰

Si Barbs! Ang bestfriend mong beki! Napaka convincing nya umarte. Ipaglalaban niya ng patayan si Tricia, all out sa suporta at hinding hindi niya iniiwan ang mga kaibigan niya. 

Revelation talaga si Christian Bables dito! Winner na πŸ† winner! Kaya pala sya nanalo na Best Supporting Actor, talaga expected ko na din kasi na si Paolo ang Best Actor. Hindi nagpapahuli sa arte si Christian, kahit mata lang nya umaarte na. Napaka natural mag react sa bawat eksena. 

Luis Alandy πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•

Huwag kayo kumontra, mahal ko sya. Noon pa man nakitaan ko na talaga ang galing niya sa pag arte hindi lang sya lagi nabibigyan ng lead roles. The way na tumitig sya kay Tricia, talagang napaka sincere at may protective instinct yun dating. 

Hindi eto talaga advisable na panuorin ng below 18 years old at talagang may topic na hindi angkop sa kanila. 

Sobrang dali i pick up iyon storyline, hindi ka malilito at tama lang yun flow ng mga scenes. Iyon mga linya sa pelikula, napaka sakto at talagang tatamaan ka. 

Until next movie to watch! πŸŽ¬πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—

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